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Renunciation: From Attachment to Detachment

 


Sambandha Bodha (awareness of one’s eternal relationship with Krishna) is very important for bhajan. [There are five main moods of worshipping Krishna called Shanta, Dasya, Sakhya, Vatsalya and Madhura. The mood in which the sadhak perceives himself one with Parabrahma is called Shanta mood. The mood wherein the devotee worships Krishna as his master and considers himself as his eternal servant is called Dasya mood. The mood wherein the devotee considers Krishna as his friend is called Sakhya mood. The mood wherein the devotee considers Krishna as his or her child and loves Him as a parent is called Vatsalya mood. The mood wherein the devotee considers Krishna as her lover (along with his/her own identity as a Gopi) is called Madhura mood. In the Vraja mood of love within Raganuga Bhakti path, devotees engage in loving pastimes of Krishna through Dasya, Sakhya, Vatsalya and Madhura moods. Therefore, a Raganuga sadhak must determine a relationship with Krishna, either as a servant, friend, parent or a lover. Then, the sadhak must try to immerse his consciousness in that identity and the respective mood. Only then he can progress in the path of eternal love.] 


Without determining a relationship with Radha Krishna and being constantly immersed in that mood, it is difficult to progress in the path of Raganuga Bhakti. The sadhak cannot immerse himself in such mood through his physical efforts of sadhana while the mind is attached to the material ego (related to the body) and all his actions are motivated by the desire to please this body. Bhajan should not be mere physical execution of devotional activities but a synchronization of mental and physical devotion. But, even if the sadhak is not able to determine his relationship and mood of devotion for Krishna, he must not be discouraged and abandon his physical forms of devotional activities too. He must diligently perform the devotional activities and try to mentally connect with them with devotion again and again. This is called Abhyāsa (practice). The sadhak must repetitively practice bringing the mind back from various worldly matters and focusing it into contemplation of Radha Krishna. 


Q: What if the sadhak is unable to contemplate Radha Krishna diligently? 


A: Due to lack of purification of the heart, many sadhaks are not able to contemplate Radha Krishna at all. The core mentality of a sadhak should be – I belong to Radharani, Radharani belongs to me, and all my actions, thoughts and speech are only to please Radharani. But many sadhaks are not able to keep this mentality with determination. Due to materialistic samskaras, they revert back to bodily identity and worldly desires again and again. So, what should such sadhaks do to progress in Bhakti path? 


“Atha chittaṁ samādhātuṁ na śhaknoṣhi mayi sthiram, 
Abhyāsa-yogena tato mām ichchhāptuṁ dhanañjaya.” 

(Bhagavat Geeta 12.9) 


Meaning: If you are unable to fix your mind steadily on Me, O Arjun, then practice remembering Me with devotion while constantly restraining the mind from worldly affairs. 


If one is not able to still their wandering mind, contemplate Radha Krishna and worship Them with unwavering devotion, such a person must do Abhyāsa. To still the mind and worship Radha Krishna’s lotus feet with unwavering devotion, the sadhak must follow the rules of purity of food, stay in seclusion as much as possible and avoid the association of non-devotees and materialistic people. Ekanta means where there is only one person and nobody else. Sit in such a secluded place and try to contemplate Radha Krishna. The mind will wander off to other topics again and again, but the sadhak must fight with his materialistic samskaras and bring the mind back to contemplation of Radha Krishna without getting discouraged. This is the way to do Abhyāsa. 


Abhyāsa-yoga-yuktena chetasā nānya-gāminā, 
Paramaṁ puruṣhaṁ divyaṁ yāti pārthānuchintayan.” 

(Bhagavat Geeta 8.8) 


Meaning: With practice, O Parth, when you constantly engage the mind in remembering Me, the Supreme Divine Personality, without deviating, you will certainly attain Me. 

 

Chintan (contemplation) of Radha Krishna and Their pastimes is very important in a sadhak’s life. It affects the tendencies of our mind as well as our sensory organs. For example, if one thinks about sucking a lemon with some salt (or any delicious food one likes), his mouth will start watering. There is no sour lemon in his mouth, then how did this happen? The vivid imagination of the lemon automatically triggered his tongue to water. See how powerful Chintan is! If we think about a person we dislike, the mind will become angry. Chintan of all kinds of worldly pleasures triggers the respective sensory organs to which they are supposed to give pleasure to.


Similarly, Chintan of spiritual topics and contemplation of Radha Krishna results in the purification of the mind and the sensory organs. Gradually, every bit of the sadhak’s body becomes pure and full of divine Bhakti. His mind starts wandering to worldly topics less and less and becomes steadily attached to the Chintan of Radha Krishna. His mood of devotion and oneness with his eternal form (Swarupa) also becomes stronger. As the spiritual samskaras of the sadhak become stronger, his mind will become more and more friendly towards Chintan of Radha Krishna. By the time the sadhak reaches the Asakti stage of Bhakti, the mind automatically leaves worldly affairs and gets immersed in Chintan of Radha Krishna without any efforts. In fact, then, the sadhak has to make efforts to think about the needful actions but again gets helplessly immersed in Chintan of Radha Krishna.  


Q: What if a sadhak cannot sit in a secluded place to do Chintan? Or, even if he sits in a secluded place, what if his mind can’t stop wandering off to worldly topics at any cost? All sadhaks are not renunciates; many have families to take care of and duties to handle. What should they do? 


A: All these things mentioned in the scriptures are not for renunciates only. It is not the responsibility of renunciates only to take care of Dharma. The householders are also supposed to try to still their mind and contemplate Radha Krishna while performing their worldly duties. Every human life is born with the aim of offering one’s mind to the contemplation of Radha Krishna in any way because this Jivatma is the part and parcel of God and human body is the only body in which the Jivatma can free himself from Maya and attain God.  


Many people think that only sadhus can do bhajan while Grihasthis are only supposed to look after their friends and family. It is not like that. Regardless of being a renunciate or Grihasthi, every human being should persevere in their path of Bhakti and continuously try to surrender themselves to the lotus feet of Radha Krishna physically and mentally. 


Many people say, “Oh, I am a Grihasthi. How can I do bhajan?” Since when and how are you a Grihasthi? You think of yourself as a Grihasthi. This is the reason you are unable to free yourself from the illusory material world. A sadhak must mentally abandon this identity of a Grihasthi. This change of mentality is even more important than performing a lot of devotional activities. (Being in Grihastha Ashram or Sannyas Ashram is just a temporary attribute related to the body. A Jivatma is always a part and parcel of God, and the aim of every human life is to attain God.) 


When you consider yourself a Grihasthi, you automatically consider your family, house, land, money, etc. as your belongings. Therefore, the Jivatma, who is eternally free from Maya, becomes entangled in a false identity related to the body and becomes attached to worldly pleasures that please the body. This is the Jivatma’s mistake. He is not really entangled in Maya but due to his ignorance, he accepts the web of Maya and gets entangled himself. This entanglement with Maya is completely related to the mind and not the body. It doesn’t matter whether the body is in Grihastha Ashram or a renunciate life. The house made of bricks does not entangle the Jivatma in Maya. The forest does not free him from Maya either. The important thing is to change one’s mentality. 


It is the duty of every human being to do bhajan. Every person belongs to God regardless of their caste, creed, gender, society or nationality because every Jivatma is a part of Him. Hence, a sadhak should not think of himself as a mere Grihasthi. 


Samo ha sarva-bhūteṣhu na me dveṣhyo sti na priya 

(Bhagavat Geeta 9.29) 


Meaning: I am equally disposed to all living beings; I am neither inimical nor partial to anyone. 

 

So, how can a sadhak change his mentality from a mere Grihasthi to a divine and eternal part of God? See, when you were born into this world, you came alone. When you will die, still, you must go alone. This is true for everyone, regardless of a householder or a renunciate. Those who are renunciates today, they were also Grihasthi at some point in life. Therefore, the identity of a Jivatma can never be a mere Grihasthi bound by a plethora of worldly desires. The sadhak must think that he is not a Grihasthi; he can never belong to the material world and the material world has nothing to do with him. Whether in the past, present or future, he only ever belongs to Radha Krishna. If he can strengthen this mentality, he will be able to progress in the path of Bhakti very easily. 


The sadhak must abandon this identity of a Grihasthi. But he must not pride himself on becoming a Tyagi (renunciate) either. Tyag means to leave or abandon. Which person, commodity or title in this material world belongs to you that can be abandoned? Even this human body does not belong to you; it is only a temporary abode for the Jivatma. Both the titles Grihasthi and Tyagi are mere vain egos. Considering oneself Grihasthi is ignorance while considering oneself a Tyagi is conceit. Both are fake identities. Both the Jivatmas, regardless of Grihastha life or renunciate life, eternally belong to God and their only beloved one is God. 


The sadhak must recognize this eternal relationship with God and strengthen this mentality. If he can do so, even if his body is in Grihastha life, he can easily progress in Bhakti path. And, if this change of mentality is missing, even if his body is in renunciate life, he cannot progress in Bhakti path. Such a person might mechanically chant Harinaam all day, but his mind will be entangled in worldly topics. 


I have spoken on this topic again and again because this topic is the foundation of a sadhak’s spiritual life. Without this change of mentality, the sadhak cannot dream of attaining Radha Krishna’s Bhakti at all. 


The sadhak, who is in the householder life, must hold their children in their lap, play with them, nurture them, but know in their heart that they do not belong to him. If he considers them as his beloved children, he will be cheated by Maya and repetitively put in the cycle of birth and death. Since God has given him children, therefore, he must nurture them according to his best of capabilities. That is his duty. So, there is no need to abandon them physically. But he must not consider them as his own and get attached to them.  


Similarly, the Grihastha sadhak must consider everything related to his bodily identity as belonging to Radha Krishna. He must consider himself as a servant of Radha Krishna and serve the family and the world dutifully. He must also know in his heart that he would have to leave this family one day and attain Radha Krishna, who are his truly beloved.  


If the sadhak is able to strengthen this mentality, then Grihastha life cannot entangle him in Maya. As long as there are “I” and “mine” in a sadhak’s life, he is entangled in Maya. As soon as his mentality changes to “You” (God) and “Yours” (Everything belongs to God), he will be liberated. “This body is me and everything related to the body is mine,” this mentality entangles the Jivatma in Maya.My beloved God resides in this body and everything that I see in the world belongs to Him,” this mentality frees him from Maya. 


Q: Many people think that they can do proper bhajan only when they will be able to leave the householder life. Is this mentality correct? 


A: To think, “when I will go to stay in Vrindavan on leaving behind all my worldly relations and possessions, I will put all my efforts to do bhajan,” is good. But one must not waste the present time which is passing by. One must not wait on dreams of favourable conditions to do bhajan. There is no guarantee whether such a time will come or not. While waiting for a better time in the future, if you waste the present time, you might end up missing a lot of good opportunities to do bhajan in this life. What if such a favourable time doesn’t come at all? What if the future holds even more unfavourable times? That is why the most intelligent thing to do is to not let the present time go to waste. Do not let a single moment or a single second go without bhajan. If better times arrive in future, that is very fortunate. But what if such favourable times never come? Should we waste this lifetime waiting for favourable times? Even if you are able to leave your worldly relations and go to Vrindavan one day, what if your body falls sick? What if such an obstacle came in your life that you couldn’t do bhajan at all? That is why, try to contemplate Radha Krishna and chant Harinaam all the time. Even when you are performing worldly duties physically, try to chant Harinaam continuously. 


Q: What if a Grihastha sadhak is very busy in daily life (due to job or other worldly duties)? Even though he serves his family as a servant of God, he needs to work to earn money for his daily necessities. Some people have very mentally demanding jobs. What if they are not able to contemplate Radha Krishna all the time? 


A:  

Abhyāsepy asamarthosi mat-karma-paramo bhava, 
Mad-artham api karmāṇi kurvan siddhim avāpsyasi.” 

(Bhagavat Geeta 12.10) 


Meaning: If you cannot practice remembering Me with devotion, then just try to work for Me. Thus, performing devotional service to Me, you shall achieve the stage of perfection. 

 

What does Krishna mean by working for Him? Performing all of one’s actions with the goal of pleasing Krishna in mind is called working for Him. Every single action that you perform should be evaluated to determine whether it follows the instructions of the scriptures or not. If the action is positive, it should be performed with the mentality of serving God and His Creation as His servant. When actions are performed with such mentality, the good or bad results of the actions do not add to the Prarabdha of the sadhak. Krishna will take care of the results of your actions, and you will remain unattached and untouched by them. 


The sadhak must keep in mind what kind of actions please Krishna. Not only the actions but the intention behind such actions is also important. Krishna has revealed in Srimad Bhagavat Geeta what kind of actions please Him. 


Adveṣhṭā sarva-bhūtānāṁ maitraḥ karuṇa eva cha, 
nirmamo nirahankāraḥ sama-duḥkha-sukhaḥ kṣhamī. 

Santuṣhṭaḥ satataṁ yogī yatātmā dṛiḍha-niśhchayaḥ, 
mayy arpita-mano-buddhir yo mad-bhaktaḥ sa me priyaḥ.” 

(Bhagavat Geeta 12.13-14) 


Meaning: Those devotees are very dear to Me who are free from malice toward all living beings, who are friendly, and compassionate. They are free from attachment to possessions and egotism, equipoised in happiness and distress, and ever-forgiving. They are ever-content, steadily united with Me in devotion, self-controlled, of firm resolve, and dedicated to Me in mind and intellect. 

 

Many people think that “mat-karma” in the above-mentioned verse means performing only pooja and other devotional activities. But that is not true. If a sadhak was to perform only devotional activities, who will earn money for food and daily necessities? How will the householder sadhak fulfil his duties towards his family and society? No, you don’t have to abandon your duties but perform them with the mentality of a servant of God. 

There is another meaning of “mat-karma” and that is, serving His devotees.  


“Ye me bhakta-janāḥ pārtha na me bhaktāś ca te janāḥ, 
Mad-bhaktānāṁ ca ye bhaktās te me bhakta-tamā matāḥ.” 

(Hari Bhakti Vilas 10.133) 


Meaning: “[Lord Krishna told Arjuna:] Those who are My direct devotees are actually not My perfect devotees, but those who are the devotees of My servant are factually My perfect devotees. 

 

Eteke vaiṣṇava-sevā parama-upāya avaśya milaye Krishna vaiṣṇava-kṛpāya.” 

(Chaitanya Bhagavat 2.337) 


Meaning: That is why service to the Vaishnavas is the topmost process, for by the mercy of the Vaiṣhṇavas one certainly attains Krishna. 

 

Therefore, a sadhak must try to please Krishna’s devotees physically, mentally and through speech. Not only that, even the money one earns through much hard work can be used to serve His devotees. The householder sadhak who has a mentally demanding job can thus perform the same job with the mentality that a part of the money earned by his hard work will be used to maintain this body and the family that belongs to Krishna and the rest of the money will be used to serve His devotees. Then, his job will also become “mat-karma”. 


If the sadhak has too many duties, he must serve the family and the world with the above-described mentality. But whenever he finds some free time, he must try to serve Vaishnavas. If he doesn’t have the money to serve Vaishnavas financially, he must serve them physically. During holidays or vacations, try to visit Sadhus and serve them as much as possible. The sadhak must serve them not only physically or financially, but also through polite, courteous and sweet behaviour and speech. In this way, Krishna will be very pleased with him, and he will progress very quickly in the Bhakti path. 


Q: Due to the materialistic samskaras of many lifetimes, the sadhak’s mind is constantly inclined to get attached to his body and family members. Even though he tries to strengthen this (above-mentioned) mentality, how can he remain unattached while living among his family members? 


A: What you are basically asking is how to achieve detachment while living in Grihastha. As the attachment to Radha Krishna strengthens, the attachment to the material world decreases automatically. This is only natural. Without strengthening one’s love for Radha Krishna, one can never be truly detached from Maya. Just like how the darkness cannot go if there is no light. As the brilliance of light increases, the darkness diminishes automatically.  


Therefore, the sadhak must try to increase his mood of Bhakti. Then, automatically, the family members and possessions which were so dear till now will seem as ordinary as other people in the world. (The sadhak feels neither attachment nor enmity towards them. He is able to treat all living beings equally in his heart at that time.) 


What should he do to increase his love for the lotus feet of Radha Krishna? He must associate with such devotees who love Radha Krishna with all their heart. He must try to visit Sadhus whenever possible and listen to their spiritual instructions and illustration of divine pastimes of Radha Krishna. Gradually, his mentality will change, and he will think, ‘these people, house, money and possessions are not related to me. They will only entangle me into Maya. My only relationship is with Radha Krishna and my only possession is my love for Them.’ 


If a person sits near fire, he will naturally feel its heat. Even if he lights a fire lamp only for light, its heat is unavoidable for him. Similarly, while living amongst family members, he will naturally be inclined to get attached to them. Therefore, he must protect himself by associating with elevated Sadhus as much as possible. Along with that, he must practice chanting Harinaam continuously, contemplate Radha Krishna all the time, and perform his worldly duties with the mentality of a servant of God. In this way, he can achieve detachment from worldly attachments very quickly. Every devotee who achieved great Vairagya have been in Grihastha before and they had to practice detachment like this. Except devotees of Krishna who directly manifest from Goloka, every devotee has had to undergo this process to achieve detachment from Maya. There is no other option. 

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